VATICAN CITY — Papal sources have just confirmed that the Virgin Mary miraculously appeared on Pope Francis' toast this morning. Unfortunately for the pontiff, however, the Mother of God looked pretty upset about something — no one is quite sure what.
"Yeah, she definitely didn't look happy at all," said Joseph, an altar boy at St. Peter's Basilica. "Maybe she was going to tell Pope Francis off about using another slur. Or maybe he was teaching unbiblical doctrine again. Maybe she's angry that His Holiness basically contradicted Jesus by saying all faiths lead to God. Or maybe he was speeding in the Popemobile too much last night. I'm not sure. But she looked ticked."
While the Pope convened a special council of cardinals to try and interpret the Marian manifestation, the Holy See of Rome has not yet delivered any official comment on the reason for the appearance on the toast beyond confirming that Mary did indeed look pretty irritated.
"Honestly, she's probably just hoping that we'll finally start being responsible with the environment and welcome all migrants," the Pope said in an unofficial interview. "Or maybe she was mad that my toast wasn't gluten-free. I don't know."
At publishing time, Vatican sources had disclosed that the Pope had eaten the toast anyway and was waiting to see if Mary would reappear in his bowl of SpaghettiOs at lunchtime.
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions