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Top 10 Reasons To Move To California - Article image
Life · Aug 8, 2026 · 111
Top 10 Reasons To Move To California

With the population of California diminishing of late, we at The Babylon Bee are here to help turn the tide. Here are just ten of the many great reaso...

Angel Still Guarding Eden With Flaming Sword Wondering If He Can Move Yet - Article image
Scripture · Aug 7, 2026 · 80
Angel Still Guarding Eden With Flaming Sword Wondering If He Can Move Yet

EDEN - Having gone an inordinate length of time standing watch in the same place for many, many years, the angel guarding the Garden of Eden with a fl...

Mitch McConnell's Staff Says He Was Dropped Off At A Farm In The Country Where He'll Be Happier And Have More Room To Run Around - Article image
Politics · Aug 7, 2026 · 75
Mitch McConnell's Staff Says He Was Dropped Off At A Farm In The Country Where He'll Be Happier And Have More Room To Run Around

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Staff for Mitch McConnell assured the nation that the Kentucky senator had been dropped off at a nice farm in the country where he ...
'There Aren't Bad Pets, Only Bad Owners,' Explains Woman Out Walking Velociraptor
'There Aren't Bad Pets, Only Bad Owners,' Explains Woman Out Walking Velociraptor
'There Aren't Bad Pets, Only Bad Owners,' Explains Woman Out Walking Velociraptor - Featured article image
Lifestyle · Aug 7, 2026 · 62

SOUTH BEND, IN - The debate over dangerous pets heated up again after a woman took her pet velociraptor out for a walk and declared, "There aren't any...

Teenage Cashier Desperately Hoping Middle-Aged Man Will Start Up Small Talk With Her - Article image
Life · Aug 8, 2026 · 88
Teenage Cashier Desperately Hoping Middle-Aged Man Will Start Up Small Talk With Her

ROANOKE, VA - Upon seeing a middle-aged man join her line, local 16-year-old grocery cashier Mandy Banks began desperately hoping that he would try to...

Life · Aug 8, 2026 · 88
Teenage Cashier Desperately Hoping Middle-Aged Man Will Start Up Small Talk With Her

Teenage Cashier Desperately Hoping Middle-Aged Man Will Start Up Small Talk With Her - Featured article image
ROANOKE, VA - Upon seeing a middle-aged man join her line, local 16-year-old grocery cashier Mandy Banks began desperately hoping that he would try to...
Mitch McConnell's Staff Says He Was Dropped Off At A Farm In The Country Where He'll Be Happier And Have More Room To Run Around - Article image
Politics · Aug 7, 2026 · 75
Mitch McConnell's Staff Says He Was Dropped Off At A Farm In The Country Where He'll Be Happier And Have More Room To Run Around

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Staff for Mitch McConnell assured the nation that the Kentucky senator had been dropped off at a nice farm in the country where he ...

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Young George Washington Admits To Cutting Down A Flock Camera

Aug 6, 2026 | The Bat Knight


Another Sign Of End Times: Dunkin Discontinues Buttercrunch Donut

Aug 4, 2026 | Elmero Loco


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Study Confirms Humanity Groaning With Longing For More 'Animaniacs' - Article image
Study Confirms Humanity Groaning With Longing For More 'Animaniacs'
Life · Aug 7, 2026 · 52
Chipotle Cashier Tells Customer There's An Extra Charge For No Salmonella - Article image
Chipotle Cashier Tells Customer There's An Extra Charge For No Salmonella
Health · Aug 6, 2026 · 36
SpaceX Crashes Rocket Into Hollywood Soundstage - Article image
SpaceX Crashes Rocket Into Hollywood Soundstage
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Senate Joins Rest Of Nation In Holding Fauci In Contempt - Article image
Senate Joins Rest Of Nation In Holding Fauci In Contempt
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Trump Solves Affordability Crisis By Opening Nation's Strategic Burrito Reserve - Article image
Trump Solves Affordability Crisis By Opening Nation's Strategic Burrito Reserve
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Scientists Theorize Existence Of Movie Not Starring Zendaya - Article image
Scientists Theorize Existence Of Movie Not Starring Zendaya
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7 Hacks To Obtain A Burrito For Less Than $20 - Article image
Economy · Aug 6, 2026 · 103
7 Hacks To Obtain A Burrito For Less Than $20

Burritos are really, really expensive these days, apparently. But fear not - there are still ways to get them without having to shell out $20 a pop. Y...
Man Unsure Whether Wife's Vanilla Honey Goat Butter Spread Is For Toast Or Face - Article image
Life · Aug 7, 2026 · 54
Man Unsure Whether Wife's Vanilla Honey Goat Butter Spread Is For Toast Or Face

DALLAS, TX - Local husband Mark Higgins stood frozen in his kitchen Thursday morning, staring blankly at a glass jar labeled "Vanilla Honey Goat Butte...
Jesus Ignites Fierce Debate By Feeding 5,000 People For Under $20 - Article image
Scripture · Aug 7, 2026 · 69
Jesus Ignites Fierce Debate By Feeding 5,000 People For Under $20

BETHSAIDA - Reports confirmed that Jesus of Nazareth had successfully fed a crowd of 5,000 men, plus women and children, using just five barley loaves...
Trump Meets With Zelenskyy To Ask For U.S. Missiles - Article image
World · Aug 7, 2026 · 64
Trump Meets With Zelenskyy To Ask For U.S. Missiles

KYIV - President Donald Trump scheduled an emergency trip to Ukraine to ask President Zelenskyy for American missiles.

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Tell Us What Kind Of Coffee Your Church Serves And We'll Tell You What Denomination You Are - Article image
Church · Aug 4, 2026 · 153
Tell Us What Kind Of Coffee Your Church Serves And We'll Tell You What Denomination You Are

All churches that truly love Jesus serve coffee, but did you know that you can actually tell what denomination a church is by what coffee it serves?
Due To Depleted Missile Supply, 'Operation Epic Fury' Downgraded To 'Operation Mildly Aggressive Fury' - Article image
U.S. · Aug 6, 2026 · 71
Due To Depleted Missile Supply, 'Operation Epic Fury' Downgraded To 'Operation Mildly Aggressive Fury'

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Due to a reportedly depleted supply of ballistic missiles following months of bombardment, military officials confirmed this week t...
Study Reveals 90% Of Data Centers Just Storing Your Wife’s Pictures Of The Kids - Article image
Family · May 19, 2026 · 59
Study Reveals 90% Of Data Centers Just Storing Your Wife’s Pictures Of The Kids

OVERLAND PARK, KS - The need for the construction of massive data storage centers has been in the news again recently, with the results of a new study...
Democrats Celebrate El-Sayed Victory By Firing AK-47s Into The Air - Article image
Politics · Aug 5, 2026 · 65
Democrats Celebrate El-Sayed Victory By Firing AK-47s Into The Air

DETROIT, MI - Following the controversial candidate's primary win in last night's Michigan Senate primary, joyous Democrats celebrated Abdul Al-Sayed'...

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McCarthy Says 783rd Impeachable Offense By Biden Will Be The Last Straw - Article image
Politics · Jul 25, 2023 · 151
McCarthy Says 783rd Impeachable Offense By Biden Will Be The Last Straw

WASHINGTON, D.C. - House Speaker Kevin McCarthy did not mince words following revelations this month of Biden family corruption from whistleblowers in...
Snopes Rates Biden's Claim That 2+2=5 As 'Mostly True' - Article image
Snopes Rates Biden's Claim That 2+2=5 As 'Mostly True'
Politics · Sep 2, 2019 · 12
Record-Breaking 800 Million Americans Expected To Vote In 2020 Election - Article image
Record-Breaking 800 Million Americans Expected To Vote In 2020 Election
Politics · Oct 28, 2020 · 71
Biden Says We May Need To Reinvade Afghanistan As They Have Weapons Of Mass Destruction Which We Gave Them - Article image
Biden Says We May Need To Reinvade Afghanistan As They Have Weapons Of Mass Destruction Which We Gave Them
World · Aug 24, 2021 · 92
Kamala Campaign Quietly Cancels Release Of New 'Doug' Wife Beater - Article image
Kamala Campaign Quietly Cancels Release Of New 'Doug' Wife Beater
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RFK Jr. Jumped In Dark Alley By Count Chocula, Chester Cheetah, Kool-Aid Man - Article image
RFK Jr. Jumped In Dark Alley By Count Chocula, Chester Cheetah, Kool-Aid Man
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NBC Pulls Dr. Dre And Snoop Dogg From Halftime Show After Finding Recordings Of Them Using The N-Word - Article image
NBC Pulls Dr. Dre And Snoop Dogg From Halftime Show After Finding Recordings Of Them Using The N-Word
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How Was Church? June 15, 2026 Edition - Article image
Premium · Jun 15, 2026 · 72
How Was Church? June 15, 2026 Edition

Sunday is the best day of the week. The coffee tastes a little bit better when enjoyed with the people of the Lord. How was church for you yesterday? ...
It's Memorial Day: Whom Are You Honoring? - Article image
Premium · May 25, 2026 · 40
It's Memorial Day: Whom Are You Honoring?

Hey, Bee family!
Farewell, Thomas Massie! Here Are 7 Of The Bee's Most Memorable Articles About Tom - Article image
Premium · May 19, 2026 · 96
Farewell, Thomas Massie! Here Are 7 Of The Bee's Most Memorable Articles About Tom

As you may have heard, Thomas Massie has officially been defeated in Kentucky's GOP primary, heralding the end of his Congressional tenure. Massie has...
Rejected Babylon Bee Photoshop #3492 - Article image
Premium · May 18, 2026 · 33
Rejected Babylon Bee Photoshop #3492

Our crack team of certified fake news specialists work tirelessly every day to bring you fake news you can trust. We've shared before about how our te...

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Jill Biden Drops Out Of Presidential Race - Article image
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Kim Jong Un Attends Ivy League University To Learn New Brainwashing Techniques - Article image
Kim Jong Un Attends Ivy League University To Learn New Brainwashing Techniques
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Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants - Article image
Walmart Now Requires All Shoppers To Wear Pants
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Joel Osteen Sails Luxury Yacht Through Flooded Houston To Pass Out Copies Of 'Your Best Life Now' - Article image
Joel Osteen Sails Luxury Yacht Through Flooded Houston To Pass Out Copies Of 'Your Best Life Now'
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Girlfriend Keeps Referring To Herself As 'Wife-Elect' Despite No Official Word From Boyfriend - Article image
Girlfriend Keeps Referring To Herself As 'Wife-Elect' Despite No Official Word From Boyfriend
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