HOUSTON, TX — In accordance with his annual tradition, Joel Osteen has once again decided to wear his "pastor" costume for Halloween this year.
"Hee hee! Look at me! I'm a pastor! Get it?" a smiling Osteen was heard asking staff at Lakewood Church. "This getup has been workin' like a charm for years now, baby. Now ain't the time to go tryin' on other costumes, you know what I'm sayin'?"
Every October, Osteen's assistants at the church line up potential alternative costumes. "It's the same thing each year," said Lakewood staffer Ricky Morton. "We round up some really great costumes for him to try on — astronaut, cowboy, policeman, Mandalorian bounty hunter, Gandalf, Leonardo from the Ninja Turtles — but he always ends up sticking with the pastor costume. Never fails."
"And then he wears it all year round."
"It's actually rather frustrating," said fellow church staff member Robert Gibson. "We go to a lot of trouble to give him options, but he just goes with the same $10,000 suit every time. He loves the costume so much that he basically lives in that character now. It's hard to tell when he's dressed up for Halloween and when he's just being himself."
At publishing time, Osteen's secretary confirmed that he plans on going door to door throughout the greater Houston area on October 31st asking for financial donations in lieu of candy.
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