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Man Returns To Work From Long Weekend Refreshed And Ready To Give Mediocre Effort - Article image
Life · Sep 8, 2026 · 32
Man Returns To Work From Long Weekend Refreshed And Ready To Give Mediocre Effort

ROME, GA - After a long holiday weekend, local man Kevin Simpson returned to his office at River City Bank this morning, refreshed and ready to give a...

Controversy In Michigan Tarnishes NCAA’s Otherwise Perfect Reputation - Article image
Sports · Sep 6, 2026 · 43
Controversy In Michigan Tarnishes NCAA’s Otherwise Perfect Reputation

ANN ARBOR, MI - A highly controversial ending at Michigan Stadium has unfortunately put a slight black eye on the NCAA's otherwise sterling reputation...

God Promises To Spare Massachusetts If State Can Find 12 Competent Jurors - Article image
U.S. · Sep 8, 2026 · 31
God Promises To Spare Massachusetts If State Can Find 12 Competent Jurors

BOSTON, MA - A new report revealed that God promised to spare the state of Massachusetts if legal officials there can find at least 12 competent resid...
Senate Approves Mitch McConnell Working Remotely From Grave
Senate Approves Mitch McConnell Working Remotely From Grave
Senate Approves Mitch McConnell Working Remotely From Grave - Featured article image
Politics · Sep 8, 2026 · 43

WASHINGTON, D.C. - As the U.S. Congress prepared to return to work next week, one major lingering question was answered as the Senate approved a reque...

Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over - Article image
Scripture · Sep 4, 2026 · 69
Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over

JUDEA - In adherence to the teachings of Jesus, Simon, who is called Peter, was committed to forgiving the neighbor who wronged him up to "seventy tim...

Scripture · Sep 4, 2026 · 69
Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over

Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over - Featured article image
JUDEA - In adherence to the teachings of Jesus, Simon, who is called Peter, was committed to forgiving the neighbor who wronged him up to "seventy tim...
God Promises To Spare Massachusetts If State Can Find 12 Competent Jurors - Article image
U.S. · Sep 8, 2026 · 31
God Promises To Spare Massachusetts If State Can Find 12 Competent Jurors

BOSTON, MA - A new report revealed that God promised to spare the state of Massachusetts if legal officials there can find at least 12 competent resid...

Subscriber Headlines

“Life Is Too Hard” States Man Deciding Which Of His 30 Pairs Of Sneakers To Wear

Aug 27, 2026 | LilSebastian


Spain To Deport Citizens Protesting Illegal Immigration

Sep 3, 2026 | AmirFauda


'Grand Theft Auto' Maker Rockstar Games Sues California For Stealing Their Idea Of Open-World Crime And Chaos

Aug 28, 2026 | TwoDegreesOff

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Breaking: Justice Still In The Hands Of God - Article image
Breaking: Justice Still In The Hands Of God
Theology · Sep 5, 2026 · 99
College Football Star Horrified He Might Be Drafted And Have To Take Huge Pay Cut - Article image
College Football Star Horrified He Might Be Drafted And Have To Take Huge Pay Cut
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Nation Votes To Remove Massachusetts - Article image
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Breakthrough As Scientists At University Of Michigan Develop Ability To Travel Back In Time One Second - Article image
Sports · Sep 6, 2026 · 88
Breakthrough As Scientists At University Of Michigan Develop Ability To Travel Back In Time One Second

ANN ARBOR - In one of the most remarkable technological breakthroughs of the past millennium, scientists at the University of Michigan have successful...
Nation’s Murderers Excited To Learn Killing Legal If You Say You Were Sad - Article image
U.S. · Sep 7, 2026 · 84
Nation’s Murderers Excited To Learn Killing Legal If You Say You Were Sad

U.S. - Millions of murderers across the country expressed overwhelming optimism today following reports that killing someone is effectively legal, pro...
Women Honor Gloria Steinem By Leaving Kids At Daycare And Working 9 Hours At Jobs They Hate - Article image
Worldviews · Sep 7, 2026 · 61
Women Honor Gloria Steinem By Leaving Kids At Daycare And Working 9 Hours At Jobs They Hate

U.S. - Women across America honored the passing of feminist icon Gloria Steinem by dropping their kids off at daycare and heading to work for 9 hours ...
California Teen Flunks Driver's License Test For Fully Stopping At Stop Sign - Article image
Life · Sep 7, 2026 · 83
California Teen Flunks Driver's License Test For Fully Stopping At Stop Sign

SACRAMENTO, CA - A local 16-year-old saw her dreams crushed Thursday after bringing her vehicle to a complete, zero-mile-per-hour stop at a stop sign,...

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State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity - Article image
U.S. · Sep 4, 2026 · 98
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity

U.S. - The State of Massachusetts has officially been ruled incompetent by reason of insanity.
The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang - Article image
The Bee Explains · Sep 2, 2026 · 193
The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang

Connecting with the older folk can be a challenge, especially when you have a hard time understanding what they're saying. But don't worry, if you put...
Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans - Article image
Sports · Sep 4, 2026 · 53
Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Donald Trump announced on Friday that he had successfully annexed the Canadian hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens, and w...
Tiger Woods’ License Suspended After Court Determines He Is Half-Asian - Article image
Sports · Sep 3, 2026 · 87
Tiger Woods’ License Suspended After Court Determines He Is Half-Asian

JUPITER, FL - A Florida court suspended golf legend Tiger Woods' driver's license for five years after an investigation determined that he is half-Asi...

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Parents Choose Abortion After Devastating News That Their Baby Would Be Among Happiest Demographic On Earth - Article image
Family · Jun 6, 2026 · 78
Parents Choose Abortion After Devastating News That Their Baby Would Be Among Happiest Demographic On Earth

SALEM, OR - Local parents Terry and Jessica Pritchard decided to abort their baby after receiving the devastating news that he would be among the happ...
Facebook To Provide Pop-Up Warning When Your Friends Begin Thinking For Themselves - Article image
Facebook To Provide Pop-Up Warning When Your Friends Begin Thinking For Themselves
Internet · Jul 1, 2021 · 125
Church Bassist Dies During Worship Set, No One Notices For Three Weeks - Article image
Church Bassist Dies During Worship Set, No One Notices For Three Weeks
Church · Jan 22, 2019 · 12
China Trade War Update: Trump Classifies Panda Express As Domestic Terror Organization - Article image
China Trade War Update: Trump Classifies Panda Express As Domestic Terror Organization
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Democrats' Poll Numbers Surging Among Key Narcoterrorist Demographic - Article image
Democrats' Poll Numbers Surging Among Key Narcoterrorist Demographic
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Starbucks Voted Best Coffee If You're In The Middle Of A Deserted Wasteland And There Are No Other Options Within 1000 Miles - Article image
Starbucks Voted Best Coffee If You're In The Middle Of A Deserted Wasteland And There Are No Other Options Within 1000 Miles
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Children Threaten To Help - Article image
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Happy Labor Day 2026! - Article image
Premium · Sep 7, 2026 · 83
Happy Labor Day 2026!

Did you know that Labor Day became a federal holiday on June 28, 1894, after being signed into law by President Grover Cleveland? Well, now you do.
Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project - Article image
Premium · Aug 31, 2026 · 74
Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project

Salutations, intrepid subscribers!
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed - Article image
Premium · Aug 27, 2026 · 76
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed

The Bee editors have waded forth through the seas of satire and are prepared to announce the headline challenge winner. Congratulations to @dontslowth...
Photo Headline Challenge: Trump Likes Headlines - Article image
Premium · Aug 24, 2026 · 106
Photo Headline Challenge: Trump Likes Headlines

Amid the departure of White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, Trump wanted to share some recent headlines that he really enjoyed. Can you write ...

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Man Dies Of Old Age In Church Parking Lot After Waiting 60 Years For Wife To Finish Socializing - Article image
Man Dies Of Old Age In Church Parking Lot After Waiting 60 Years For Wife To Finish Socializing
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Ilhan Omar Withdraws Support From Bill To Save The Earth After Learning That’s Where Israel Is - Article image
Ilhan Omar Withdraws Support From Bill To Save The Earth After Learning That’s Where Israel Is
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