NAUVOO, IL—In his ongoing campaign to make sure everyone knows how to vote in the upcoming election, Mark Zuckerberg is now going house to house to personally ask people whether they have registered.
"I need to reach the people who aren't on Facebook's revolutionary social media platform," said Zuckerberg. "I have found it works quite well to wait underneath their beds while they are at work, and then slowly emerge from underneath the bed in the dead of night while they are sleeping. Then I stand over their sleeping bodies and say something natural-sounding, like: 'Greetings human! Have you registered to vote? You should check out Facebook's most excellent voting information center!' Then I jump out the window as any human would do."
So far, Zuckerberg has visited 32 houses and has 12 warrants out for his arrest. To avoid trouble with the police, he bought all the police departments in the country with some spare change he had lying around.
"I will not stop until everyone in America has heard my message," Zuckerberg said.