KYIV — Following a successful first term as Chief Executive of the United States of America, Volodymyr Zelensky has officially announced plans to run for a second term as U.S. President.
His toughest rival is predicted to be Vladimir Putin, who served as U.S. President from 2016-2020.
"Today I am formally announcing plans to 'finish the job' as leader of the United States," said President Zelensky from the balcony of his $130 million Ukrainian mansion. "Only in America can a poor immigrant comedian achieve his lifelong dream of asking for like three thousand missiles and getting them in a week. I love America!"
Zelensky then listed the top agenda items he would implement during his second term as President:
- Add more blue and yellow to the American Flag.
- Declare all Russians poopy heads
- Also, nuke Russia
- Edit the Pledge of Allegiance to contain more off-color jokes
- Pocket another $300 million
At publishing time, Volodymyr Zelensky had announced the first female Asian-American Vice Presidential running mate, Xi Jinping in a blonde wig.
Senator Mitch McConnell isn't doing too many interviews these days, but The Babylon Bee's Travis got the opportunity to sit down with the man, the myth, and the legend himself.
