U.S. — Wayland Corporation has proudly announced the appointment of their new Chief Diversity Officer, who just so happens to be a white woman. The company says that it values diversity above all else and made this hire to show how serious they are about it.
"Diversity is our strength! But not when it comes to me and my position as Chief Diversity Officer," said the new CDO, Sara Grace Smith. "My whiteness and privilege will serve as a glaring example of the dangers of whiteness and privilege. I'm helping!"
As the new Chief Diversity Officer, Sarah Grace will be in charge of making sure a job applicant's qualifications are never considered — only their skin color and gender. She will also be responsible for ensuring that only racial and sexual minorities are featured on the company's marketing and that all white male employees will be made to feel as hated and unwanted as possible until they ultimately leave the company.
Skeptics argued that Mrs. Smith's appointment was a glaring contradiction, akin to having an obese personal trainer or a blind taxi driver. But according to sources, those same individuals have since been let go by the company.
"I'm here to make this place diverse and inclusive and anyone that's got a problem with the company shilling out vast sums of money to hire me to send out unnecessary emails and mandatory compliance training is RACIST!" added Mrs. Smith.
At publishing time, the Chief Diversity Officer stepped down claiming "her work was done" after making sure the entire company only employed indigenous trans women with disabilities.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
