'You're Already Enough! You're Perfect Just The Way You Are!' Shouts Lifeguard Steven Furtick To Drowning Man
Celebs · Jul 3, 2020 · BabylonBee.com

CHARLOTTE, NC - Steven Furtick has been placed on temporary leave from his part-time lifeguard job at Myrtle Beach after an incident in which he attempted to save a drowning man by "speaking life" over the victim's flailing body. 

According to sources, a 28-year-old beachgoer was dragged out to sea by a powerful riptide. Certified lifeguard and Elevation Worship Pastor Steven Furtick looked out just in time to see the hopeless victim thrashing and crying out for help.

"You already are enough!" Steven Furtick cried out across the waves. "Say! That would make a great tweet!" he said as he quickly typed the inspiring message into his Twitter app and posted it. "You're perfect just the way you are!" he shouted out again.

"I can't swim! I won't make it much longer!" said the drowning man. 

"That's just your shame speaking!" Furtick replied. "In the name of Jesus, I RELEASE you from your shame! Begone, shame! You have no home here!" 

"Please, throw me a lifeline!" the sinking victim sputtered. 

"Lifelines, life preservers, rope, that's LEGALISM!" lifeguard Furtick replied. "I say again, YOU'RE ALREADY ENOUGH!"

Thankfully, a passing surfer was able to reach the poor soul and drag him to safety before it was too late. Representatives from the National Lifeguard Association have confirmed Furtick will be barred from all beach duties pending further investigation. 

Furtick will also not be allowed to conduct his signature waterslide baptisms until he receives further training.  


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