Pride Parade Followed Closely By Disinfectant Parade

SAN FRANCISCO — Pride Month festivities drew to a close Monday with one final Pride Parade that was closely followed by a Disinfectant Parade.

Street sweepers, janitors, and crime scene cleaners, all clad in HAZMAT suits, were joined by a marching band that played loud trumpets to mask the noise of the heavy cleaning equipment.

"Ugh, gross," said a marcher in the disinfectant marching parade as he trudged through piles of unspeakably filthy and highly infectious parade trash. "I mean, yay pride!"

As the parade progressed, the rainbow-colored motif of Pride was replaced with the vibrant blue of barbicide disinfectant, complemented by the pale greenish-yellow tinge of bleach. Experts say the procedure is necessary to prevent the spread of STDs and traditional fecal bacteria, which are typical byproducts of pride parades.

"Hey Bill, we're gonna need more disinfectant," said this year's Disinfectant Grand Marshall, Bart Martin. "Looks like we got ourselves a doozy this year."

Spectators reportedly camped out for days for a chance to see the Disinfectant Parade in action. "I can't wait for the city to get clean so I can walk outside again without catching Monkeypox," said one excited citizen.

At publishing time, the Disinfectant Parade was once again accused of homophobia for cleaning up various fluids on Castro Street.

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