OLATHE, KS — A newly married couple had determined the Lord is directing them to wait a while to have children after they spent the past week volunteering to serve in Vacation Bible School at their church.
"I really feel like God wants us to hold off on kids," said Jared Barber as he downed a glass of whiskey following the last day of VBS. "We thought working at VBS might help prepare us for being parents, but it really made us realize we're not ready and probably won't be for a very, very long time."
Jared's wife Maddie had wanted to start a family but felt her week volunteering at VBS was a revelation from the Lord. "I was thinking we'd get an early start on having kids," she said with frazzled hair and dried mascara streaks running down her cheeks as she cuddled their dog, "but God, in His graciousness, has shown us that it's His will for us to put off parenting for now. We're so thankful He revealed this to us!"
The Barbers now looked back on their week of VBS as a cautionary tale of survival. "We've been brought closer together than ever before," Jared said. "We've never experienced such fear and testing of our faith. I've also never had such difficulty refraining from cursing at church."
At publishing time, their church had changed its policy to no longer allow young couples to serve in VBS for fear that it would lead to a drastic drop in new babies being born into the congregation.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
