World
'You Have Stolen My Dreams And My Childhood,' Says Girl Currently Gracing Cover Of Time Magazine

WORLD—According to sources, a girl who has a pretty awesome childhood, gaining fame and accolades and even being featured on the cover of Time Magazine lectured the nation for stealing her dreams and her childhood.

"You have stolen my dreams and my childhood," said the girl who had a pretty good childhood, sailing around the world, getting fame, fortune, and praise and also being entirely immune from criticism because she's both a brave activist and also just a child. "How dare you."

Despite her scathing lecture laying out all the ways in which adults have destroyed her childhood, she's a sought-after speaker over whom most of the world fawns, garnering breathless media praise and attention for telling others how to live their lives. The girl is currently living out her exact dreams and having "one of the most awesome childhoods of all time," so it's unclear how her childhood was stolen from her.

But we'll stop now because we're coming dangerously close to attacking a child.

Meanwhile, kids in poverty around the world are trying to appreciate the blessings they do have.

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