Worship Leader Ascends Into Glory After Learning Fifth Chord
Church · Oct 15, 2021 · BabylonBee.com

HOUSTON, TX - Worship leader Kevin Stephens learned a fifth guitar chord last Saturday during a jam session, and the praise band reported that he was immediately taken up by the Lord into Heavenly glory.

Just last year, Kevin had learned a fourth chord, launching him into the upper echelon of praise leaders. "This is rare air you're breathing," said Chris Tomlin at the time, congratulating Kevin on his incredible success. "Your future is good, good good, good good good good good. It's what it is."

The praise band had been hard at work figuring out how to make the bridge for 'Oceans' last until Deacon Bob's heart failure won out when Kevin was struck with an idea. "What if, what if what if what if...I played a different chord as like, as like as like as like, a transition, and then went back to the bridge?"

The rhythm guitar player scratched the shock of hair coming out from his toboggan, wondering aloud if this was heresy. The bass player said nothing, being a phantom of everyone's imagination. The drummer said something profound, but it was muffled by his cage. The female vocalist just looked at him longingly, wondering if he had noticed her yet for her beautiful, inaudible harmonizing. Kevin decided to go for it.

Immediately, the roof shattered, the clouds parted, and angels came to bring Kevin into eternal glory. "This is my praise band leader, in whom I am well pleased," boomed a voice from on high. 

"There were just no praise songs left for Kevin down here on Earth," said Pastor Terry Stegall of Church On The Rock. "I always said that kid could stretch a song bridge into eternity. I guess he finally did."

By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?

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