WASHINGTON, D.C. - The planned Women's March in Washington ground to a halt Saturday as leaders of the left-wing, pro-abortion event marched straight through the capital and then right off a steep ravine into the freezing Potomac River, leading the rest of the group to do the same, sources confirmed.
Onlookers tried to warn marchers of the danger of following their radical left leaders into the dangerously icy waters, but were told they were "mansplaining" and "oppressing women."
"They just kept plunking right off the side like lemmings," one witness said. "I tried to block them from splashing in but a woman pushed me away and screamed, 'My body, my choice!' at the top of her lungs."
"It was crazy, like they would just do anything their leaders said," he added.
At publishing time, the marching women had been rescued and set back on their course, only to have their leaders careen off into a ditch adjacent to a Planned Parenthood abortion clinic.