SHREVEPORT, LA — According to a recent survey, women have confirmed what many have thus far suspected to be true: The number one quality they look for in a mate is, "Does he own a 1980 Ford Bronco?"
The number two quality was, "A 1978 Chevy Blazer works too."
"While women generally lean toward men displaying masculinity, personal responsibility, physical prowess, and the ability to sacrifice Yoshi at key points in Super Mario World, topping the list is the need for her to look out the kitchen window and see a 1980 Ford Bronco in the driveway," said Chief Women Scientist Dr. Hal Malburg, "The Bronco doesn't even have to start."
The shocking survey results have led men to wonder why they have been spending all this time pumping iron, pounding creatine, and taking cold showers when all they had to do was go on eBay and grab a 1980 Ford Bronco for $8,000 to nab a prize bride.
Update: 1980 Ford Broncos are now selling for $35,000.
Update: Now it's $3,500,000.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
