MIAMI, FL — Now that a majority of players have been arrested on charges of illegal sports gambling, the Miami Heat announced that the golden retriever affectionately known as "Air Bud" had finally been called up to play in the NBA.
"There's nothing in the rules that says a dog can't be on a roster," said NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. "But I expect him to play by the rules, or he's going to find himself in the doghouse. Literally and figuratively."
Air Bud had reportedly signed with the Heat over the weekend, taking the place of guard Terry Rozier. "Air Bud assured me with the wag of his tail that he can make a great guard. He's sure to take us all the way this year," said Heat General Manager Andy Elisburg at a team press conference. "Aren't you a good boy, Air Bud? Yes, you are!"
Sports commentators were quick to question Air Bud's qualifications for playing in the NBA, noting that his time as an unofficial high school basketball mascot was a far cry from professional sports. "Does he have the power needed to go up against players like LeBron and Giannis?" questioned Bob Costas. "I don't think so. A pitbull, he is not."
At publishing time, Air Bud had been arrested in a sports gambling sting, though police admitted the charge might not stick, as there was nothing explicitly outlined in the law that said dogs couldn't gamble.
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