Wife Has Encyclopedic Knowledge Of Precise Current Location Of Every Item In Household
Christian Living · Feb 11, 2020 · BabylonBee.com

LINDA VISTA, CA - Local wife and mother Jessica Parsons has an incredible superpower: she always knows the exact current location of every single item in her household.

"Hey honey, where's my electric razor?" her husband called earlier this morning. 

Parsons snapped back quicker than a Google search result: "Second drawer down in the upstairs bathroom. It's adjacent to your red comb and the open toothpaste tube I keep asking you to close."

"Well, yeah, it's there," he mumbled, "but where the heck is the charger for this thing?"

She was ready: "You left the charger at the hotel on our trip to Phoenix, even though I kept pestering you to make sure you packed it. I bought you a new one on Amazon, and it's still in the wrapping underneath the sink in the kitchen, just behind the trash bags. We currently have only nine trash bags left and will have to get a new box this week."

"She's incredible," her husband told reporters. "Watch this." He then proceeded to rattle off a list of items, for each of which she was able to provide a detailed description of its whereabouts:

  • The kids' karate trophy from seven years ago: "In the third box from the left on the black shelf in the garage, stuffed underneath 13 miscellaneous Christmas ornaments."
  • Her husband's favorite Batman shirt: "Under the bed because you took it off two weeks ago and kicked it under there and never put it in the hamper like I asked."
  • The vanilla spice chai tea: "The box is in the coffee cart under the espresso machine. There are three packets left."
  • The Pokemon Sword cartridge: "Calvin ate it the other day and it's currently working its way through his large intestine."
  • An Allen wrench: "There are three in the junk drawer, one in the plastic storage cabinet in the boys' bathroom, and one in your left pocket."
  • The kids: "Amy is in her room texting Chad, James is watching Blippi on his tablet in his closet, and Calvin is over there eating paste."

Parsons still can't figure out how to change the television to the correct input for Netflix, however.

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