ARLINGTON, TX — Tricia Sloan, who had previously announced a hard-line boycott against Target, then called off the boycott shortly after her first attempt to shop at her local Walmart.
"After further careful consideration, I've come to the conclusion that I may have acted rashly, and I am willing to give Target another chance," said Mrs. Sloan while standing in the Walmart entrance between a pile of $19.99 bar-b-q grills and a homeless guy sleeping on a display of Dr. Pepper cases stacked in the shape of a pickup truck.
Target spokesperson Glenn Dennis expressed appreciation for Mrs. Sloan's reversal, saying, "We at Target are always grateful for the chance to serve our customers and meet their need for a place where they can shop for quality, stylish, queer, Satanic apparel at a reasonable price without being surrounded by a bunch of gross, fat, poor people."
Asked if Target's promotion of transgender ideology for infant children was still a concern, Mrs. Sloan said, "My position on that issue remains firm: I am opposed to Target's association with certain products. I will continue to forcefully demonstrate my opposition by detouring around those products, even if it takes me longer to get to some of those sweet, sweet Joanna Gaines throw pillows."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
