CHAPPAQUA, NY — With TSA suffering severe staffing shortages amid a halt in pay, former President Bill Clinton has volunteered to lend a hand patting down passengers.
A smiling Clinton arrived early for his shift at JFK International, telling TSA agents to focus on checking bags and leaving the pat-downs to him.
"It's the least I can do," said Clinton. "When I heard there were thousands of bodies that needed to be felt, I simply answered the call. Does that make me a hero? Well, step into my line here, and I'll let you be the judge."
According to airport officials, no one has ever seen a happier, more willing TSA agent than Clinton. "He was born for this," said local man Roger McCabe. "It's like Clinton has been doing this his whole life. No one even had to train him. He just stepped right in and got to patting."
At publishing time, Clinton had asked if there were any TSA agents who might be willing to handle patting down "the uggos".
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
