Wife Accidentally Opens Trans-Dimensional Portal Trying To Find Power Button On Remote
Family · Feb 22, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

SIDNEY, MT — The quiet town of Sidney, Montana made headlines recently after a transdimensional portal appeared in the home of Bob and Cynthia Allen. Sources say the wife accidentally opened the time-tunneling tesseract while trying to find the power button on the remote.

The cat was sucked into the otherworldly vortex before the couple realized what was happening.

"I just pushed all the colored buttons, hoping one of them turned it off!" screamed Cynthia while clutching the kitchen table with her husband and watching her favorite bowl disappear into the otherworldly schism. "This is why I just let you do all the TV stuff!"

"That wasn't even the right remote!" Howled her husband through the tearing of space-time while simultaneously calculating the replacement costs of all the furniture disappearing into the void. "How many times do I — ugh — the Samsung remote is for the Samsung TV. You're holding the Sony remote which controls the — just give it to me."

Bob eventually regained command of the situation and vaporized the omniperforated rift by tapping the 17-button, 3-remote shutdown sequence that every husband knows by instinct.

At publishing time, the Allen family was recovering from the transdimensional ordeal while housetraining their new pet, a 42-eyed, multi-tentacled Gorblax. Nobody missed the cat.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

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