WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move to protect national security interests and even the fate of the entire world, White House aides recently sneaked into Donald Trump’s bedroom, stole his iPhone, and replaced the official Twitter app with a new, fake Twitter app that tricks the President into thinking his tweets are being seen by the whole world.
The app provides automatically generated content, such as fake tweets, retweets, and replies, to simulate the actual Twitter and prevent the President from finding out that his tweets are actually being read by absolutely no one.
“It was necessary deceit for the common good,” Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a press conference. “We got the idea from the fake blog Ryan set up for Creed in that episode of The Office, if any of you are fans. Now, any deranged ramblings he posts completely out of left field will be seen by no one except Donald Trump himself.”
“You’re welcome, world,” she added as emotional reporters rose in a standing ovation.
At publishing time, President Trump was seen tweeting threats against North Korea, Mexico, and Canada in the completely fake, isolated Twitter environment.