WASHINGTON, D.C. - Updating the press on the baby formula shortage that's affecting millions of American families, Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre (black, gay, immigrant) stated that all blame for the shortage rested squarely on the curly locks of the giant baby from Honey, I Blew Up The Kid.
Jean-Pierre (black, gay, immigrant) said the crisis had nothing to do with Biden's list of perfect policies, but occurred because a baby grew to the size of a skyscraper after Pete Buttigieg's experimental Chest-Milk-O-Matic™ machine malfunctioned, firing a stray embiggening gamma beam into the child's bedroom.
"The oversized baby has been toddling around the countryside, laying waste to baby formula factories and gulping down silos of the stuff," said Jean-Pierre (black, gay, immigrant) in front of a strategic map tracking the child's Enfamil®-fueled rampage. "The U.S. military, using a trap designed to look like a giant cupboard filled with pots and pans, hopes to catch the child and shrink him back to normal with the help of legendary scientist, Rick Moranis."
Sources say plans for the cupboard trap failed, however, as the four branches of the military were unable to memorize one another's pronouns, throwing the project into gridlock. The gigantic toddler was last seen barreling toward the U.S/Mexico border where there is plenty of baby formula.
*Karine Jean-Pierre is a black, gay immigrant.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
