WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Trump White House has added a new feature to the James S. Brady Press Briefing Room: a separate cry room for fussy reporters who are crying during press briefings and interrupting the proceedings.
The quiet, serene room will allow news agencies to take their crying, wailing, fussy reporters into a separate space to calm them down so the press briefings can continue without interruption.
"If you notice one of your reporters starting to tear up, just take them into the cry room and soothe them before joining us again," said Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany. "There are pictures of Obama, bottles of kombucha, and some Tickle-You-Biden plushies in there to keep them occupied and help them feel safe."
"Hey, wait a minute! Are you saying we're babies!?" shouted one reporter, tears welling up in his eyes.
"Well, yes," McEnany replied.
"That's... that's mean!" His lip began to quiver and he was forced to excuse himself to the cry room.
"WAAAAHHH!!!" cried Jim Acosta. "ORANGE MAN BAD! ORANGE MAN BAD!" One of his fellow CNN reporters cradled him in her arms and took him out into the cry room with an apologetic look on her face.
The cry room may need expanding soon, however, since every single reporter except OANN's Chanel Rion was sent to the cry room during the first press briefing. Rion pointed and laughed at them as they went into the cry room, calling them "dumb babies," which made them cry harder.