Unsuspecting evangelicals have long been led off-track in their pursuit of Jesus by none other than Jesus himself. Christianity Today is proud to have this opportunity to write a guest article here at The Babylon Bee and finally hold Jesus accountable for his shortcomings.
Who is Jesus Christ? The Gospels tell you, but there is something important missing from this biblical account. Despite its lofty intro describing how "The Word was with God and the Word was God," it fails to enlighten the reader that this "Word" it refers to is most likely LOVE. That's what God is. He's love, and that's it. The entire Bible is actually just a book about love, and the rest of it should be largely disregarded. Love really is everything. Did Jesus really live up to the standard of LOVE set by his Heavenly Father? Tragically, he didn't.
When we search the pages of scripture for examples of love in the life of Jesus, we find it sadly lacking. Here are just a few reasons why:
Never once in all four gospels did Jesus wear a mask when healing the sick - As an omniscient being, he clearly would have known about the proven effectiveness of masking, even if the rest of the world didn't. Why did he not reveal this truth to his followers? Why didn't he create N95 masks for the lepers when he had the chance to do so? Again and again, in scripture, we see Jesus showing carelessness for social distancing norms and infection mitigation efforts, which as we know, are the purest ways to love one's neighbor.
Jesus never explicitly supported the welfare state as practiced in the modern United States - True followers of Jesus know that giving people who refuse to work a bunch of free food, smartphones, and Hoveround® scooters until they die of obesity is the purest form of Christlike love. Yet all throughout the scriptures, Jesus is silent on this essential gospel issue. Why? Sure, he told us to give to the poor and care for the sick, but when did he specifically declare that we must send all our money to the government so they can care for the poor and sick on our behalf, thereby making them generationally poor and generationally sick for decades? One time, he even allowed a costly bottle of perfume to be wasted on him when it could have been sold and used to feed the poor. Sadly, it would seem Christ was not as Christlike as we thought.
Jesus walked on water owned by indigenous peoples - We get that he was performing a miracle that would provide hope and comfort to saints for thousands of years to come, but really? Walking on the Sea of Galilee, the ancestral lake of the ancient Canaanites? So disrespectful.
Even though he came to a people oppressed by Roman police brutality, he never liberated them - Just like George Floyd under the racist knee of Derick Chauvin, the Jewish people, an ethnic minority, had languished under the rule of brutal Roman racists. And Jesus did nothing. At one point, he even commanded his followers to help their own oppressors by carrying their shields an extra mile. He never even recognized Juneteenth. Whose side are you on, Jesus? When he ascended into heaven, he left millions of incarcerated persons and slaves behind. It's clear from the gospels that Jesus wasn't a liberator, and he certainly wasn't the kind of example that we, the spiritual figureheads of Christianity Today, wish to follow.
He said he created humans "male" and "female" - While we begrudgingly acknowledge the truth of this statement, it displayed a profound callousness and lack of hospitality towards people who identify differently. No wonder so many are leaving the church.
He one time called the Pharisees a "brood of vipers" - While it pains us to say this, Jesus could have used some lessons in having a winsome witness from us, the editors of Christianity Today. Using harsh, unkind language like this is never, ever called for among those who claim the name of Christ, including Christ. Imagine the people who could have been saved if not for Jesus's brash, off-putting tone! It hurts our hearts to think of what could have been if only Jesus had a copy of Christianity Today to read.
No, Jesus certainly didn't love his neighbors the way he should have, but we have a chance to take a different road. In our quest to be more like Jesus, maybe it's time we stopped following Jesus. Maybe it's time to do better.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
