With President Biden stepping aside despite winning his party's primary, millions are asking -- what happens next? The Babylon Bee explains the eight things that happen now that Biden has quit the campaign:
All of the funds currently held by the Biden campaign will be placed in a money gun and fired around the Capitol: Woo-hoo!
All "Biden-Harris 2024" campaign shirts will be packed on a big ship and sent to Africa: Standard operating procedure.
Candidates to take Biden's place on the November ballot must fight to the death under a waterfall: This ought to be good.
After Kamala defeats all other combatants, Jill Biden will propose to her: The current First Lady isn't giving up that easy.
A golden snitch is then released into the Capitol and whoever captures it will be nominated Vice President: Seems fair.
America will be forced to learn Kamala's husband's name: Daryl? Jim?
Biden will begin plans for "The Joe Biden Center For Kids Who Don't Hide Cocaine Good": Like a Presidential Library, only better.
Netflix will announce a biopic of Joe Biden, starring Denzel Washington: And Halle Berry as Jill Biden.
It's going to be a wild few weeks - get ready, America!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
