DRAPER, UT — Local husband Aaron Campbell presented a detailed spreadsheet to his wife of all the ways he's a super great time after she accused him of being no fun.
"Ok, so if you direct your attention to Sheet 4 column 46 you can see a subcategory of reasons why I'm objectively the most fun person in the world," Aaron instructed his wife. "Number One: I'm incredible at Excel. Number two, I tell the best jokes. Number three, I enjoy doing our taxes…oh, that reminds me tax season is only eight months away! Better get started!"
Aaron's wife Melissa accused her husband of being a bit of a drag after he spent 45 minutes explaining how time travel works within the Marvel Cinematic Universe. "So if you understand how the quantum world works you'll better understand how Ant-Man was able -- hey, sweetheart, are you listening?"
"I love that Aaron is so organized," Melissa said "Sometimes I just wish he could be a little more spontaneous, and maybe a little less analytical. When I mentioned last year I was considering getting a cat, he presented me with a 62 page in-depth study of all the reasons he thought it wasn't a good idea. A simple 'I don't like cats' would have sufficed."
As of publishing time, Aaron was working on an additional PowerPoint presentation for Melissa to help explain why he loves making PowerPoint presentations.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
