WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a solemn moment of solidarity, The Washington Post has lowered the flags at all its buildings nationwide to half-staff in remembrance of the brave journalists who were suspended from Twitter by Elon Musk.

"We must never forget that dark, dark, day when the voices of 9 courageous heroes of journalism were cast into the outer darkness by the fascist Elon Musk," said WaPo Editor in Chief Narbles McQuack in a statement. "They were suspended for hours and hours before being reinstated. They almost died, and so did our democracy. The world may never know just how close we came to losing everything."

Employees then bowed their heads and observed a moment of silence as the names of Ryan Mac of The New York Times, Donie O'Sullivan of CNN, and Keith Olbermann were read along with several others who gave everything in the line of duty.

"We must never, ever forget what happened on Thursday, December 19th, 2022," continued McQuack. "This was like twelve January 6ths and five 9/11s combined. Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it."

McQuack then dismissed his employees as he was running late for a 3 PM meeting with the FBI on what news they would be allowed to publish that day.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.