WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Washington Post has released another broadside against Elon Musk, this time condemning him for mildly criticizing a Twitter executive instead of just doxxing her and her family.
"It's sickening, Elon offering a short statement of disagreement with a powerful, high-level executive - does he have no soul?!" cried editor Sal McNally. "If he had any sliver of integrity, he would do what we here at the Washington Post do: publish her home address online and then show up at her family's doorstep."
The kerfuffle began over Elon Musk stating he disapproved of Twitter's decision to bury damaging stories about Biden in the run-up to the 2020 election. While the decision itself has been retrospectively panned, even by Twitter's then-CEO Jack Dorsey, the person who made the decision turned out to be a female minority who makes a mere $17 million per year. As such, all direct criticism of her has been deemed proof of misogyny and racism.
The Washington Post came down especially hard on Mr. Musk as the newspaper had just spent the last week demonstrating how professionals approach people they disagree with. "It's really just being a good citizen 101," said 53-year-old reporter Taylor Lorenz. "If you don't like what someone is doing, you simply hunt down her and her family, ambush them at their homes, publish their personal information online, delete it after the pushback and pretend it never happened. Then, when they complain about what you did, claim to be the victim! There are standards!"
At publishing time, the Washington Post was publishing several important Op-Eds about the evils of billionaires buying media companies and how you really can't trust dank memes.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
