WASHINGTON, D.C. - Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was brutally murdered this week as a result of Elon Musk buying Twitter, says AOC. Twitter accepted Musk's offer to buy Twitter on April 25th, which AOC says makes them an accessory to her murder.
"I have never been more dead than I am right now," said AOC while attending a disinformation fundraiser. "A privileged white man violently assaulted me by legally buying Twitter and defending free speech! He literally cut off my head and now I am dead!"
An official complaint was filed with the U.S. Secret Service which subsequently reached out to Elon Musk for questioning. Musk has reportedly denied any involvement in AOC's death and claims the congresswoman is not dead at all.
"She's right over there," Musk allegedly told authorities. "Just turn your head."
AOC has claimed Musk's words are disinformation of the worst sort and have caused her to experience a second death.
"That makes him double guilty!" she wept.
According to sources, Elon Musk was taken to Guantanamo Bay for further questioning "off the books" but then he bought the facility and had himself released.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
