SALZBURG, AUSTRIA — The well-respected Von Trapp family has reportedly fled across the alps to Switzerland to escape the ever growing threat of free speech.
Before their departure, former naval officer Georg von Trapp warned that free speech had been weaponized in Germany and was spreading into Austria. In response, he took his family, comprised of the Trapp Family Singers, and fled over the mountains to neutral Switzerland where they could be safe from people sharing their opinions.
"We can't stay here. The Nazis are using free speech to round up Jews," Von Trapp reportedly said. "And that's horrifying."
Though not Jewish, the Von Trapp family fled after expressing concern their children would be indoctrinated into a life of free speech and self expression.
According to local rumors, Maria von Trapp, the family governess turned wife, is to blame for affecting Georg's loyalties. Residents of Salzburg claim he was all for free speech before she came along and started singing all the time.
"How do you solve a problem like Maria?" Reichsführer-SS Heinrich Himler asked. "Throw them in free speech camps, of course."
At publishing time, the eldest daughter of Georg von Trapp, Liesel, heartbroken by her first love Rolf becoming a free speech advocate, had fallen in love with a lonely goatherd she met while crossing the alps.
Meet Devyn. The 16-year-old Chick-fil-A worker who has replaced the entire government.
