LOS ANGELES, CA — Norman Shelby, an air traffic controller who works out of LAX, reportedly coped with his missing paycheck as a result of the government shutdown by deliberately sending planes to Duluth, Minnesota, for laughs.
The government shutdown has been exceptionally tough on air traffic controllers, who have a stressful job they are now expected to perform without pay. As a result, many employees have stopped showing up to work altogether, making the job even harder for those who still clock in every day. But Shelby has found solace in sending weary passengers to Duluth.
"Oh no, not again!" one traveler reportedly shouted upon disembarking at Duluth International Airport (DLH). "I'm supposed to be in Orlando!"
A misdirection was discovered when air traffic at DLH rose by almost 1,000%. "No one comes to Duluth, we're not equipped for this," one airline employee complained.
According to sources, as of Thursday, Shelby had rerouted over 100 sold-out flights to Duluth International Airport before his scheme was uncovered. "I was making my rounds when I overheard Shelby direct a pilot to Duluth to avoid a storm. But this was a plane headed to Mexico City from L.A.," said Operations Supervisor Dan Fuselage. "I was suspicious, not only because that's an impractical distance to reroute such a flight, but also because we have a strict policy about avoiding Duluth because it's so boring. Everyone hates Duluth."
When Shelby was finally confronted, he was laughing hysterically about detouring an inbound flight from Las Vegas all the way up to Duluth.
"I just needed something to take the edge off," Shelby said, defending his actions. "Duluth is my drug."
At publishing time, Norman Shelby was terminated from his post at LAX and transferred to Duluth. "No! My punishment is too great to bear!" he was reportedly last heard shouting.
What happens when a politically divided family sit down for a "peaceful" dinner?