CHICAGO, IL—He is good at Dungeons & Dragons—maybe too good. While other players of the popular roleplaying game take months of playing to level up, Ulrich Vandenberg reportedly blew through eight character levels as a chaotic-evil sorcerer in just two sessions, arousing conjecture that he may in fact be the Antichrist of the Book of Revelation.
Vandenberg’s hobby group, which is currently on a quest to aid the lords of Neverwinter while running a heavily houseruled D&D 3.5 edition, has met every Thursday night for the past year-and-a-half. While some players have exhibited an advanced ability to cast spells and interact with other magical elements in the Forgotten Realms, only Vandenberg has been suspected of being the great apocalyptic enemy of Jesus, with his bizarre, insatiable affinity for dark magic in the fantasy game.
“We had our suspicions when he cast the Magic Missile spell flawlessly in his very first game,” Dungeon Master Greg Freeman told reporters Friday. “But when he rolled six natural critical hits in our second get-together, we started poring over the Bible’s prophetic texts to confirm our worst fears.”
Employing a complex system of numerology, the DM and the rest of the group exegeted the Scriptures to lay bare the ugly truth: Vandenberg, the 26-year-old IT consultant, might in fact be the human embodiment of evil prophesied by John who will usher in a one-world government and signal the end of the world.
Sources close to the developing situation have confirmed that Vandenberg also listens to rock music, smokes the occasional cigar, and celebrates Halloween, further solidifying his candidacy for the office of Antichrist.
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