CLEVELAND, OH—In a desperate attempt to revitalize John Kasich’s presidential campaign, campaign manager Beth Hansen has decided to try turning it off and turning it back on again, sources reported Saturday.
“We tried kicking it with moderate force, but that didn’t do much,” Hansen noted. “We even downloaded a program off the internet that claimed to make the campaign run 50% faster, but we just got a nasty virus.”
With all other options exhausted, Hansen decided it was time to get serious, performing a hard reset—turning off the campaign and turning it back on again—just to see if that might help a little.
“We think it’s running better, but it’s hard to tell sometimes,” Hansen told reporters. “We paid the extra $300 for the Geek Squad warranty, so if all else fails we’ll just call them to come fix it.”
At publishing time, Hansen was reportedly performing a Bing query to find out if any other campaign managers were having a similar issue.