U.S.—The Babylon Bee has been a beloved source of satire for exactly 6,000 years. But its founder, Adam Ford, has thrown in the towel after tough competition from reality prevented him from effectively satirizing the news, prompting him to create a real news site instead, Disrn.
"How am I supposed to write satire? Seriously," Ford told reporters. "I mean, look at the news: Donald Trump is the president of the United States, a Commie bartender is in Congress, and seminaries are apologizing to plants. What's wrong with you people!?"
Ford tried to write satire every day but would discover his satirical idea had already been taken by an actual news organization. "Why don't we do a joke about the Democratic Socialists?" he said in the beginning of one writer's room meeting. "We could say that they all shouted, 'Personal point of privilege!' to interrupt the speeches at their conference whenever they're offended."
The other writers gently informed him that that was a real headline, however, and Ford threw up his hands in frustration. "Forget this!" he said, throwing a chair through a window. "I quit!" After walking around outside to cool off, Ford struck on an idea: reporting actual news through his new website, Disrn. Ford was quick to clarify, however, that he didn't choose to start up the real news site---God chose for him to create the site before the foundation of the world.
The Babylon Bee has continued on in his absence, with Seth Dillon, Kyle Mann, Ethan Nicolle, and the other members of the team limping along trying to get by without him. But it's "just not the same" without Ford's fearless attitude and willingness to ether anyone and anything on either side of an issue.
"It's been a lot of fun owning the libs since I bought the site," said Dillon. "But to be honest, I really miss Adam Ford."
Seriously, go check out Disrn. In no way did Adam either threaten or bribe me to write this article. - Kyle