WUHAN - In an alarming turn of events, workers at a Wuhan research lab were seen adjusting a sign that read "92 Days Since Accidentally Releasing a Virus," taking down the 92 and replacing it with a zero.

"Everything is still great here," said President Xi Jinping to selected members of the press. "Nothing alarming has happened here... and certainly not for a second time." Xi was wearing a hazmat suit, but he claimed that was because it was laundry day and that was the only thing he had left that was clean. The American press felt no need to ask any follow-up questions.

A number of "Have You Seen Me?" posters depicting a coronavirus and giving a number to call were spotted around Wuhan, though again Chinese officials say there is nothing unusual there and nothing to worry about and if you develop a sneeze, isolate yourself -- preferably in an airtight room -- immediately.

The Wuhan lab that adjusted the sign has been studying bat-related viruses for some time, though the main thing they've learned so far is how not to store viruses.