LONDON - Local banker and evil billionaire Ebenezer Scrooge reported that several ghosts showed up to give him visions of various Christmases this evening. The most concerning one, however, was the Ghost of Christmas Future, who showed up in a full-on hazmat suit, decked out head to toe in PPE.
"This is your futuuuuure," the ghost said, his arms extended in an ominous, ghoulish pose.
"Well, blimey!" said Scrooge. "That's not good! I suppose you'll tell me what I have to do to avoid this fate."
"Well, not really," the ghost responded, shrugging. "You can follow all the rules, and honestly, they're gonna push ahead with the Great Reset stuff anyway. So you should probably just live your life and ignore what they're saying."
"Oh, right-o then," Scrooge responded. "Good talk."
"Welp, see ya later!"
At publishing time, another ghost had appeared telling Scrooge to give all his money to the government and to come out in support of taxing the rich, but it turned out to just be Elizabeth Warren in a sheet.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
