Worldviews
Twitter Introduces New 'Send Mob' Feature

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In response to frequent and passionate requests from a handful of users, Twitter announced a new “Send Mob” feature for its popular social media platform. Now, whenever a twitter debate gets particularly heated, Twitter’s algorithm will automatically enable a “Send Mob” button, allowing users to send an angry crowd to their opponent’s location.

“For years, Twitter has been at the cutting edge of tearing people apart for having different opinions from you,” Twitter tweeted today. “After a series of trial tests, we are pleased to release this new feature to the public, knowing that there could be no downsides whatsoever to enabling unbridled, impulsive rage!”

Among the beta testers was Twitter user @bovineright, who described being on the receiving end of the feature: “I was just on the toilet debating with some random stranger about whether milk is a symbol of white supremacy. Suddenly, there was some kind of angry mob busting down my bathroom door. I was so shocked I nearly-- well, it’s a good thing I already was where I was.”

“I’m mostly just amazed by all the pitchforks and torches. How did they get those so quickly?” he added.

The new feature has stirred up some debate, with some critics saying it seems like overkill. However, those users were quickly chased out of town by sudden angry crowds.

“Honestly, we didn’t really have any choice,” said Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey. “Two or three blue-checked Twitter users threatened to deplatform me if we didn’t add this feature.”

Twitter says they are also testing a “Tar and Feather” feature, with eventual plans for a guillotine button.

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