U.S. — President Trump has reportedly finalized a new trade deal with the United Kingdom, securing a 15% tariff on the extra "U" in British words.
"I guess you could say this is my favourite trade deal," Trump said, explicitly using the British form of favorite. "And England's shown a lot of honour, a lot of honour. Colour me impressed."
According to sources, the U.S. will now collect a fee every time someone uses a word with an unnecessary "U" in it. This is expected to have vast repercussions across the globe, taking the focus from British English and placing it on American English where it belongs.
"We're going to make our English the greatest English," Trump explained. "We're going to have people talking American like you wouldn't believe."
UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer met with Trump on Monday to discuss the finalized deal. During a joint interview, the PM was very careful not to use any words with an unnecessary "U" in it, essentially bowing to Trump's authority in the process. "Thanks," Starmer said over and over, apparently afraid to say any other words.
In addition to a heavy tariff on the "U" in British words, the U.S. will also be collecting a tariff on Cricket games until such time as England adopts professional baseball like normal Americans.
At publishing time, Trump had developed a British accent as a result of his continually using words with a "U" in it so that England would have to pay tariffs.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
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