WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has unveiled his clever plan to secure a third term by simply continuing his State of the Union speech for the next seven years.
According to legal scholars, President Trump discovered a gaping loophole in the Constitution that allows the President to continue serving so long as he never stops speaking.
"Settle in folks, we've got seven years to go," said Trump as his speech reached hour nineteen. "It's a brilliant plan, speaking through my third term, really very smart. I thought of it myself, did you know that? The Democrats, they never thought of it, if you can believe it. Now we have them in what I like to call 'checkmate'. Chuck over there, he isn't very happy about it, but there's nothing he can do. He's not even allowed to take a bathroom break, poor Chuck. I told the guards not to let him, and with Chuck's prostate, that's going to be a problem, let me tell you."
Despite Democrats' furious objections, Constitutional authorities say there is nothing they can do. "The Constitution simply never envisioned a man being able to speak for seven straight years," said scholar Daniel Martindale. "I'm afraid that so long as Trump has the floor, Trump has the Presidency."
At publishing time, Trump had announced that Vice President J.D. Vance would take over his speech for year eight.
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