YPSILANTI, MI—While touring a Ford Motor plant in Michigan, President Trump went maskless despite an executive order by Governor Gretchen Whitmer that everyone must wear a mask outside the home. It is said that Trump refused to wear a mask in front of reporters when the mask they got him was of the wrong Ninja Turtle.
“Donatello? Not good! A president needs to show strength,” Trump explained to reporters. “And he can’t do that wearing a mask of Donatello, who is lame and a nerd.”
Trump has requested a Michelangelo mask since Michelangelo is “fun” and “likes to party,” but his aides were only able to obtain Donatello. They then offered to find some paint and change Donatello’s purple mask to orange to match Michelangelo, but Trump said that wouldn’t work because “it would then just be Donatello wearing an orange mask.”
Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel blasted Trump for his mask refusal. “When the governor makes an arbitrary rule during a pandemic, everyone has to unquestioningly follow it, even the president!” she said in a video statement. “And he should be honored to dress up like Donatello, as he is a scientist, someone we should listen to at a time like this.”
Trump returned fire, saying that Nessel is “a dummy” who is “probably ugly” and that “Donatello is a drag on the whole effort against the Foot Clan” whose bo is “the worst weapon” as it’s “just a stick.”