WASHINGTON, D.C. — Gamers around the world expressed outrage and uncertainty about the future of the global economy after President Donald Trump raised 25% tariffs on all brick trades in Settlers of Catan.
The latest in several rounds of new tariffs, Trump said his increase on Catan brick trades may cause short-term pain but would pay off significantly in the future for all players who want a stronger and more prosperous economy.
"We've been getting the short end of these brick trades for years," Trump told reporters. "Effective immediately, there will be a 25% increase on all brick trades. If you want to trade for a brick, you will have to give up at least one extra sheep or grain, minimum. It's very simple, folks. All we want is a level playing field. The brick is more difficult to obtain, so it makes sense for there to be an additional fee. And don't forget the robber. What a guy. You have to watch out for him."
Experts warned that the increased tariffs on brick trades could lead to significant market upheaval. "There is already a general brick shortage in Catan," said economist and Catan enthusiast Alex Campbell. "While it's impossible to say with any certainty what will result from these new tariffs, it's safe to assume that there will be significant instability in the immediate future. The effect could easily trickle down into the ore and lumber markets as well."
At publishing time, White House sources confirmed that President Trump was holding discussions with Cabinet members on the best ways to secure the Largest Army and Longest Road bonuses.
The USA undeniably trumps our neighbors to the north.
