KYOTO — The "Duck Hunt Dog" from the classic video game Duck Hunt has died, Nintendo announced Friday.
"His reign of terror is finally over," said legendary game designer Shigeru Miyamoto. "He can't hurt you anymore."
The unnamed dog, which so smugly laughed at players whenever they failed to shoot any ducks, was reportedly suffering from complications with its liver and had to be put down, a Nintendo spokesperson confirmed.
Soon after the news broke, reports filtered in of celebrations being held in cities around the globe, with revelers dancing joyously in the streets while clicking the triggers of their NES light guns. "Who's laughing now, huh?" shouted one happy celebrant.
Even the dog's fellow Nintendo characters expressed relief upon hearing of his passing. "It took me years of therapy to get over his bullying," said Super Mario, a plumber and former co-worker. "I'm glad he's a-dead. Wahoo!"
According to psychologists, adults who grew up being bullied by the dog into shooting ducks in a desperate attempt to win the dog's approval now have an opportunity to heal. "The Duck Hunt Dog had a voracious thirst for duck blood," said former gamer and mental patient Luke Edwards. "It was impossible to satisfy. When you failed — and you would fail — he would mock you until all happiness was torn out of your life. Then, the only thing that would satisfy you was the thrill of the kill."
At publishing time, it was revealed that the Duck Hunt Dog is survived by hundreds of ducks who now have a chance to live.
The USA undeniably trumps our neighbors to the north.
