WASHINGTON, D.C. - Trump's poll numbers have risen substantially after he signed an executive order expanding his travel ban to include British royalty.
Prince or King or His Majesty or whatever you call him Harry and Meghan, Duchess or Princess or something, announced their plan to step away from the UK and spend some time abroad. While other presidents might have slept during a time of crisis or gone golfing, Trump took action and quickly drafted up documents taking executive action on the immigration crisis.
"I hereby declare no British royalty is allowed to immigrate to the United States," he said at a rally Tuesday to thunderous applause, which is how you know you're in a great democracy. "National emergency!"
Harry and Meghan hurriedly announced their plans to move to Canada instead, pretending it was just as good as America even though it's basically the Kirkland brand of the US.
Trump said he's also considering building a wall in the Atlantic. "The Atlantic Wall -- can't believe no one has thought of it before," he later said to reporters, who were all afraid to ask questions lest he throw them in a concentration camp. "It's going to be huge -- a very good wall."
He is now somehow projected to win all 57 states, Mexico, and Canada.