DES MOINES, IA—The FCC announced today that the next Democratic debate will not require viewers to use a color television. The decision was made in part due to the fact that all the remaining candidates are white. The FCC cites several other reasons for the change, however.
The FCC reminded everyone in a statement that the only color you'll need to make out the candidates' skin color is white.
“Listen, we didn’t want to leave anybody out,” said FCC employee Steven Penta. “Over one percent of American’s live without color TV, and that makes those folks a minority. We didn’t want to leave them out because, well, because this is America!”
Democrats, however, were unhappy with the news, insisting their party deserved better, more diverse candidates. “These people are all rich, white, privileged scum,” said Bernie Sanders as he rubbed a balloon on his head to prep for the debate. "If my opponents cared at all about diversity, they would drop out and let me win."
The FCC will soon ask viewers to upgrade to color television in advance of the presidential debates this fall, as the incumbent will require televisions that display a brilliant orange hue.