Politics
Trump Plans To Upstage Biden Inauguration By Jumping The Grand Canyon In A Rocket Car

WASHINGTON D.C.—As more states certify the election win for Joe Biden, one question is how President Donald Trump will react to Biden’s inauguration since Trump maintains the win is illegitimate. Trump has now told the press he will not attend, as he will be busy January 20th, 2021, jumping the Grand Canyon in a rocket car.

“Yeah, sorry, can’t be there for that,” Trump said. “I’m just going to be way too busy doing the greatest stunt ever known to man. So I guess people will have a choice on January 20th: They can watch Sleepy Joe mumble his way through an inauguration -- even though he didn’t actually win -- or they can watch the coolest thing ever in the history of everything.”

Trump says he’s not scared to perform the stunt, even though he says Evel Knievel “got himself exploded” attempting the same stunt. Trump says he is going to be a “Good Knievel” and do the stunt perfectly. “I’ve never lost at anything,” Trump stated, “unless the other guy cheated.”

Incidentally, the rocket car Trump will be using will have “Trump 2024” painted on the side and will be the official launch of his 2024 campaign. “Any idiot can serve two presidential terms in a row,” Trump said. “A bunch of losers have done that. But only one other guy has served two non-consecutive terms -- President Cookie Monster Milwaukee -- so that’s way cooler. Who knows? Maybe I’ll do three non-consecutive terms.”

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