TIJUANA—President Donald Trump arrived early this morning in Tijuana to employ his own unique tactics to thwart the migrant caravan who have traveled on foot more than 2,500 miles from Central America seeking refuge in the United States.
With a single can of paint and a brush, Trump rapidly painted a photorealistic scene of an inviting archway that appeared to be an open, unguarded entrance into America. Trump officials claimed in a statement released to the press that any migrant attempting to cross the border illegally would smash into this wall and become nothing more than a flat circle.
Critics of Trump’s decoy mural policy say the painting has many problems. It depicts New York, which is not on the other side of the wall in Tijuana. It also depicts a bald eagle, piles of cash, a baseball player, and the Statue of Liberty sitting at the end of a yellow brick road for some reason. “Trump’s image of our nation is, to be frank, incredibly tacky,” said art critic Alfonzo Gabor.
Despite negative opinions, soon after the painting dried, the sound of a loud stampede could be heard. Soon, a cloud of dust came flying at the painting with feet sticking out of the bottom of it. The feet were wearing worn shoes, clearly implying that the moving cloud of dust was the crowd of migrants. When the crowd reached the wall, what happened next was completely unexpected. The crowd ran directly into the painting and disappeared somewhere beyond the Statue of Liberty. The wall was examined by wall scientists and other experts. “White House physicists have come up blank on the running into the painting phenomenon,” said Vice President Mike Pence, who was also at the scene.
Assuming he, too could run into the mural, Trump sprinted at the brick wall so fast his hair flapped off of his scalp. Upon making contact with the painting, Trump flattened out into the shape of a pancake. Soon he began to peel away from the wall slowly as gravity took its course. When Trump hit the ground, he instantly took his original shape. Moments later, the migrant caravan came running out of the painting carrying baseballs, hotdogs, piles of cash, and pet eagles as they stampeded over Trump, leaving him staggering in a torn up suit with messed up hair and black eyes.
When interviewers approached the mangled president, he held up a sign that read “Ow,” then collapsed.