NEW YORK — Donald Trump was held in contempt of court Monday during his hush money trial for a record tenth time, compelling the judge to force the defendant to wear a restraining mask made popular by Dr. Hannibal Lecter.
"Try violating this gag order, punk!" impartial and incorruptible Judge Juan Merchan said as he signaled the bailiff to muzzle the former president.
"You'll never silence me, me boys!" Trump reportedly said as his freedom of speech was cut off by an unsightly mask.
Several in the court expressed concern that the mask only prevents biting, but still allows talking. "It won't even keep him quiet! What's the point of this thing?" said a spokesperson for the prosecution.
Sources say the judge replied that the mask was only intended to shame the defendant and make him look silly. Others objected, saying the elaborate muzzle would cast the defendant in a positive light.
"People love Hannibal. I mean, he's a murderer, but he's, like, the best murderer," said District Attorney Alvin Bragg. "This is a major blow to our case. We can't handle Trump becoming even more popular than he already is."
Several media outlets reported that in addition to giving Trump the charisma of Anthony Hopkins and the menace of a highly competent serial killer, the mask appears to be distracting the jury.
"Wow! He's just like Anthony Hopkins! Cool!" mouthed one juror according to a lip-reading expert.
At publishing time, in defiance of his new gag order, Donald Trump mumbled to DA Alvin Bragg that he loved his suit before somehow stealing a pen and breaking out of his confines. He is currently at large.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
