WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trump has announced a new set of tariffs and a travel ban on CHAZ, escalating the trade war between the United States and the fledgling nation-state.
"Effective immediately, no travel to or from the foreign country of Seattle," the president said at a press conference. "Additionally, a 25% tariff will be placed on all goods coming from CHAZ, once they start exporting things." The president will also be cutting all diplomatic ties with the communist nation, further increasing tensions.
The tariffs aren't expected to do much, however, as the only thing the people of CHAZ have been able to produce so far is a few beans in the community garden.
To enforce the travel ban, the president has ordered a wall built to protect the people of America from immigration from CHAZ. The wall will be "tremendous" and will have a moat and "maybe some sharks." All foreign aid will also be suspended effective immediately.
The Pentagon even said there might be some oil underneath CHAZ, causing Congress to authorize the president to invade the foreign country and occupy it for the next 20 years.