U.S.
Trump Defeats Coronavirus In Game Of Golf

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Americans were struck by President Trump’s dedication when they saw him out playing golf over Memorial Day weekend, Trump having challenged the novel coronavirus to a game of golf. And the stakes were high: The agreement was that if Trump won, the coronavirus would have to leave America for good and let Americans get back to work, but if the coronavirus won, it would get to infect Trump himself.

“Though I’m so healthy, it would probably do nothing,” Trump told the press before the game as he cracked open a tall, cool can of hydroxychloroquine. “Or even make me stronger.”

The entitled, rich coronavirus thought it would have an easy time beating the working-class slob billionaire Trump, but Trump’s sticktoitiveness helped him persevere despite many obstacles, such as broken clubs -- some of which were orchestrated by the Democrats who were secretly working with the coronavirus to try to defeat Trump. In the end, Trump had a score of 94 and beat the coronavirus, which had to forfeit, as it was unable to lift its tiny golf club.

“Get out of here, you bum!” Trump told the coronavirus as it sulked off, never to be seen again. Trump is back to working on his game now, as he plans to next challenge the deficit.

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