Politics
Nation That Revolted Over Three-Pence Tax On Tea Now 'Pretty Cool' With Government Locking Everyone In Their Homes

U.S.—The nation that once revolted over minor taxes on tea and stamps is now "pretty cool" with state and local governments locking everyone in their homes and robbing them of their livelihood indefinitely.

A new poll has confirmed that the country that threw crates of tea into a harbor because they'd have to pay a little more for their caffeinated beverages is fine with tyrannical states destroying everybody's lives, as long as they have their Netflix and Amazon Prime.

"A lockdown with no end in sight that destroys the economy, robs us of our constitutional rights, and probably doesn't stop the virus at all? Yeah, that's tight," said Bernard Humphrey of Portland, Maine. "Tight, tight, tight."

Most people polled were fine with paying many months of their income to the government every month in exchange for their rights being trampled as well. "Yeah, 30% of my income goes to the government, once you calculate income tax, sales tax, payroll tax, property tax, and a few hundred others," said Mike Bunson of Los Angeles. "Sounds fair."

When asked what it would take to get them to revolt, most people agreed that if something really important were threatened like easy access to their favorite Starbucks beverages, they would be the first to start the revolution.

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