WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced on Tuesday that after declaring the Strait of Hormuz an official U.S. territory, it had immediately been filled by a floating Trump golf course.
Trump unveiled the blueprints for several championship multi-hole golf courses to be constructed in the Strait, which were to be built alongside a floating luxury resort. Sources reported that Trump had tentatively named the resort "Mar-a-Hormuz."
"It's going to be absolutely fabulous. Not only are we going to take the Strait, but we're going to make it into a golfer's paradise. There will be actual floating golf courses, if you can believe it," said Trump. "The Strait of Hormuz, or 'Mar-a-Hormuz,' as I like to call it, is going to be one of the premiere destinations in the whole Middle East. People are going to be blown away, they'll say, 'Wow, wasn't this the place where Iran attacked all those ships? And now there are floating golf courses.' They'll be so amazed and astounded, really. It will be another huge success for Trump and for America. Especially for Trump."
According to officials, Trump planned to keep the golf courses afloat in the Strait by blowing up several million balloons. "The balloons will all be red, white and blue. We have placed a large order already with Party City," announced White House spokesman Sean Flannery. "Due to the water current, the floating golf course will periodically change orientation, providing golfers with a different challenge every time they tee off. It will be the only course like it in existence."
At publishing time, Iran had vowed to retaliate against Trump's plans, stating that the IRGC "would not hesitate" to use sharp little pins to pop the balloons keeping the golf course afloat.
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